Writing Context
This was written during a module on shadow work led by Fleet Maull and Diane Musho Hamilton while in the mindfulness teacher training with the Engaged Mindfulness Institute
I think of embracing my humanity as the interweaving of two things, to be secure in the sense of self, and to be able to let it go.
“Enlightenment is intimacy with all things” - Eihei Dogen
I want my identity to be fluid with all things, and when I am in states of fluidity I am be able to include more - I can begin to explore what it’s like to identify with the things that I don’t really want to identify with, yet most definitely exist.
A piece of shadow work is for us to look deeply at how we’ve been victimized AND how we’ve been the oppressor.
It’s often easy to identify with being a victim, but it’s harder to identify with being an oppressor.
Since we don’t want to own varying aspects of ourselves, it takes a lot of energy to keep them out of our awareness. Once we begin to integrate them into our experience, there is a huge liberation of energy.
What happens when I pick up the part of me that is disloyal or has betrayed?
I have found a profound beauty in genuine, real atonement.
There is true freedom to be found in acknowledging, owning, and honoring my wrong doings. There is nothing left out. This doesn’t mean to keep repeating them, it means to see these things and out of compassion for myself and others to put an end to them. In knowing in my bones that I want to do better, to vow to do better, to practice doing better I then do better.
I want to note that this is not guilt nor is it shame. This is genuine love, I want to do no harm and I aspire to do no harm. I also acknowledge that I will likely fail at this by simply existing as a human, yet I can still try!
“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”
-Maya Angelou
All my ancient twisted karma,
from beginningless greed, hate, and delusion,
Born of body, speech, and mind,
I now fully atone.